I've been a bad blogger...I've been neglecting writing about things that I really wanted to talk about, like the awesome concert I went to last week. But I've been pretty occupied thinking about work and The Future...
Last week I had to tell HR that I didn't want to renew my visa with this company. HR said that was fine and I would just work til it expires in July, and they were surprisingly chill about it. However, they said I had to tell my boss ASAP and not wait till closer to that time. Because he was always in meetings or whatnot, I had to wait a day and a half and I was nervous the whole time. I mean, I effectively gave 4 month notice, which is a weird situation to be in. Will I be treated differently? Will I still be traveling to conferences? When will I have to start passing off my properties to coworkers? Does everyone know?

Now they're asking if I want to work in the India office for 4 months, and I have to admit, a tiny part of me is tempted--how many 22 year olds with a year of experience at the company get international postings? It would be an incredible experience to live abroad and it's something I plan on doing anyways...

On the flip side, I really want to stay in NY for the time being. It's an incredible city full of amazing people and there is so much left to explore. Plus I would miss the summer and half the fall rugby seasons! But really, the biggest reason is my desire to move on from my job in general--why spend 4 months in another country continuing something I don't find fulfilling?

It's really strange that I'm even feeling a little bit conflicted about this because I was totally set against it before. I still am, but I guess the wanderer in me is ready for some more exploring...

When I Grow Up

How I wish I had responded to this question:from xkcd, a great web comic.

Do we think "lighthouse operator" would get me a visa?

Holy Crap

It's the week before the week before Christmas. All was normal at work today, till I noticed a girl crying in the bathroom around 4. And it was all downhill from there.

This afternoon they laid off 25% of our company. I wasn't one of the ones called, but I waited by my desk for 1.5 hours after I should have left because I was worried and they were still calling people in...I was shaking and nervous and stress-eating. I mean, I'm going to leave eventually, but I wanted to have something lined up first! They laid off my entire kids' design team, minus one person, plus all our graphics people and the other kids' buyer. So the kids' team went from 13 to 3 in two hours, and I don't even know what to say. Friends in other departments were cut too. My part of the office will be desolate on Monday. I can't imagine coming in and not seeing these people.

Ridiculous, I don't know what else to say. This weekend's new job: brushing up the resume, just in case they're not done yet...

Score!

I was reading Saturday's a Rugby Day this morning when I got to work (gotta catch up on the important stuff after being away!) and found out I've been added to her "Ruggers Who Blog" sidebar!!! I think it's pretty sweet that something I started because I was bored at work and needed to write out my thoughts is now (somewhat) public...maybe more than 3 people will read my randomness now? ;) Either way, thanks for the link love, Blondie!

In other news, last night I talked to my dad, and after talking aboutTrinidad, he brought up the scary future question ("what are you planning to do after your visa runs out?"). When I told him my tentative plans--work in NY over the summer and through the fall in a position that will get me a TN visa (potentially at a camp or doing research), then go home for most of December/Christmas, then fly to New Zealand for 6 months or so to backpack around and do random jobs and be a vagabond--Dad was surprisingly excited! He said he and Mom wished they had done that kind of thing before they had kids, and then it just got too difficult as we were in school etc. He said that I should definitely go do it while I'm young and not tied down to anything, especially since "NYC and NZ are pretty much the same to us when you're on the other end of a phone call". SCORE! I wasn't looking for permission or anything, but it's nice to have my family be supportive of my random crazy dreams and wanderlust. I love them :)

All in all, it's been a good day so far!

Potpourri weekend

This weekend was so much fun and involved many varied aspects of my life, which was kind of cool. It started with turkey comas, running and Cranium with a group of college friends up in Sleepy Hollow (where I think I ate about 239879 mandarin oranges...christmas season has begun!), which was an incredibly relaxing experience. It ended with a 6am train ride back to the city to work in the store on Black Friday, which was insane but I met Kevin from Project Runway! On Saturday NYRC hosted the annual 7s tournament, in which I was coaching the U19 boys and playing for the women. I was so excited to get a chance to play, especially since this was my first time playing 7s that wasn't a PUWRFC alumni game--so basically, the first time I played sober ;) Z and I were the only rookies and in the second pool game, we both scored! We may have been jumping up and down like 5-year-olds...maybe. Unconfirmed. It was a very exciting day--our U19 girls won their championship! I was so proud of them...

The tournament party was ridiculous. I worked the door, taking tickets and charging admission and getting to meet everyone in the process. It was great fun getting to meet players from all over the world--many from the UK and Canada, but a few from other random places. I got myself into a bit of trouble talking to some guys from Montreal--they were saying how great they were at chugging, and didn't believe me that our boat race team could beat them "because you're girls!" Being my competitive self, I shot my mouth off and they challenged us. Am I even on the team? No! So I had to run downstairs and find Buss and explain to her that the Montreal men wanted to race and I had just talked a lot of shit and would she please come save my ass? Needless to say, our team dominated :)

Sunday was very interesting. I went down to Brooklyn to meet a group of teammates for brunch and a session with Lee Knight, an NYRC alum who has a business consulting overachievers. It was really interesting and got me really thinking about what I'm doing with my life and what I would like to change about it. We did a mix of individual work, partner discussions, and group sharing, and I think it was really helpful. I came up with a few ideas I'll be working on....I think my dream of throwing my life in a backpack and working my way around New Zealand will actually happen--right after Christmas 2008 seems like a great time, since I'd like to be there in the summer. As for this summer, I think I will either try to do research or maybe work at Blairstown or something...yep, still TBA, but I'm thinking. After the session I went up to the Bronx to hang out with Londie (who was my partner in the discussions) and Rachel, and we kept talking about our options and different ideas. We agreed that we both felt somewhat overwhelmed--not necessarily in a bad way, just that there are so many options and we want to try lots, but that's kind of difficult. Especially with all these stupid visa rules in the way! Ugh. Anyways, it was great food for thought and it was awesome to talk through so much with Londie.

And I also realized I should blog more often so these are not all life update posts. Perfect timing for that idea too, since I'll be flying to Trinidad tomorrow (!!!!!!!!) and won't be back till Monday. I am SO EXCITED to spend the next 5 days playing rugby and chilling on the beach and exploring the island with Rosie, Mira, Lara & Jenny and a whole bunch of new teammates! Cheers to a tan in December--it's 88 degrees there right now!

A little early for a mid-life crisis?

Today I am in a very weird mood. I had all sorts of intentions of getting things done at work--I have a great to-do list sitting next to me--and then got utterly and completely distracted by the fact that I have NO IDEA what I am doing with my life.

I spent an hour on the NOLS site looking at trips, another hour or so on work/volunteer abroad websites looking at NZ and Australian opportunities, and some time looking at visa requirements in those countries (and mad props to the Commenwealth for taking care of their own--I can work in either country for up to a year!). Then I was reading a blog by a nursing student who volunteers in an ER, and my lurking "should I have done pre-med?" voice spoke up inside me. So I emailed a few hospitals about volunteer programs--rugby's (mostly) over for the season, so I could do a few hours a week at night or on weekends, right? And then I saw my friend's facebook profile and was reminded of her summer at a camp in NJ, and I started thinking about experiential outdoor education for teens. I have some background there, plus it would be an interesting marriage of my loves for psych/group dynamics and outdoor experiences...something to think about...

Because I am extremely ADD in my interests, I took one of those free career tests online, and was informed that I should be looking for something involving the outdoors (physical activity, using hands, potential risk), industrial art/science (using hands, applied problem solving), or health services (keeping people emotionally/physically healthy). So the things I was looking at actually made sense! Exciting breakthrough, perhaps. The funniest part was reading about my lowest-scoring area: clerical ("You’re not likely to be fulfilled doing routine office work that involves filing, record-keeping, word processing, operating office machines, attending to details, and other repetitive office tasks"). Umm.....that's kind of my job right now. Go figure. I actually don't mind that stuff in small doses, but not constantly...so that was interesting...The psych nerd in me loved that the assessment included the Holland scale of personality styles. I am a Doer, Thinker, and Helper, with a dash of Server and Creator on the side. All in all, interesting test and it's certainly making me think...

I suppose it's not too weird that I'm questioning everything right now, seeing as I just graduated, although I think most people try to do that beforehand? Oops. I avoided going abroad in college because of rugby--both semesters were competitive and I was an officer of the club--but the wanderlust is kicking in again...who knows what I will do. I will definitely be here till June 30th (yay, lease!) and I want to come back, because I love the city and the people and NYRC too much not to. I want to spend some time at home because I miss my family & the pacific northwest in all its glory. And I want to be a nomad for a bit and explore. Maybe I can convince Pam to quit her nomad job and just come run around with me, or maybe I will go it alone. Maybe I will pick fruit or learn to spelunk or through-hike or learn a new language or usher Olympic events or teach English. The possibilities are endless and for now, I'm glad I get paid to research them :)

Damn. Blogging really is therapeutic. I feel a bit less freaked out by all this now...